literature

Every Memory of You

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Literature Text

Every memory of you reminds me of my guilt.
Regret surging through my veins.
How could I let it happen? It’s all my fault.
The flood took your breath, your soul, your life
and there was nothing I could do.
As I look through photos of you and me.
I remember the raging,
roaring waters rushing into the room.
Water all around us, caging us in.
I went to your crib and held you in my arms.
Fear taking over, my heart beating faster and faster
like a drum; as the water kept rising.
Then faster than the speed of light we were under water
fighting for our lives. The force of the water pushed me back
and I tried to reach the window. I saw the light of the sun
and reached the surface. Mom and dad screaming our names.
I swam to them with your lifeless body and reality sank in.
They would never forgive me, you were my baby brother;
you were my responsibility. I was suppose to protect you.
I was suppose to keep you safe.
As tomorrow passes I still live with the guilt.
My grief is like a river that I must let flow.
So as I remember your face,
a waterfall of crystal tears run down my eyes
with the pain and sorrow of remembering the past.
Sometimes the current takes me in waves of sorrow and regret.
But there are still peaceful pools where I can reminisce
the sweet and happy memories.
Sometimes my mind just drifts until I reach the shore,
because I can’t believe your life had vanished from my fingertips.
The past is my present memory that I try too hard to forget.
I’m drowning, drowning in my remorse.
My soul screams of anguish and pain. I’m pierced with rage.
Why you? Why not me? The doctors gave me pills to cope.
How can a pill cure this pain? They don’t understand my suffering.
I keep dreaming you were never gone, that I never really said goodbye.
As I lie beneath the sky, the stars whisper your name.
I remember your shimmering eyes when I sang you lullabies.
Then I remember the swift swaying waters;
when each breath hastened death.
The water’s strike of death ceased your life with the silence of the grave.
Old photos capture your true essence, you loved the beach, the sand, the seashells, the waves.
The ocean that could never be too full of water
just as you could never be too full of life.
It’s hard for me to say goodbye, to let you go.
I don’t want you to be a fading photograph.
I don’t want you to be a fading memory.
Every memory of you makes me relive the moments I truly felt alive.
And simultaneously causes thoughts of death.
I’ll always miss you.
I’ll always love you.
I’ll never forget you.
I’ll never replace you.
I’ll never erase the memories;
because every memory of you
makes love flow through my heart.
A revision of an old poem I wrote in high school.
© 2009 - 2024 emotionalheart7
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